Thursday, April 23, 2009

Drowning in People- Ghana- 2004

It's been interesting trying to take an entire year of my life and put it in one update (or sometimes two). When I'm doing it, I think of those who read this blog as friends who have come over to my house...can you just hear the groans if I were to take out reels of old family movies, reams of old photo albums and a billion slides? So, rather than parading every journal entry from each year, I try to pick out bits and pieces. These are not necessarily highlights or even important parts of the year. They just offer a quick glimpse into what was.

An excerpt from my October 2004 journal- My life is so full of people right now. I almost feel like I am drowning in them. I smiled as I read the simple line. This sentence doesn't just sum up 2004- it pretty much sums up my life. The sentence sounds almost negative, but it isn't meant to be. It just is factual.

I often wonder what it would be like to feel lonely. I know you can have a million people around you and feel lonely- well at least I've been told it is true- I've not experienced it. Even when I'm alone, I don't feel lonely. In fact, I treasure my 'alone time.'

One time in my life, I felt this overpowering sense of loneliness- it lasted for a few hours and I thought to myself, "Oh my goodness, if this is what people are feeling when they say they feel lonely- how do they even go on living?" I ran to the One who never leaves me nor forsakes me and said, "Help me!! Take away this horrible empty- gnawing - gaping hole- feeling inside of me- where is it coming from?? If You are here, why should I feel this way?!?" The experience helped me be more compassionate towards others who live with loneliness day in and day out.

Where do I begin?

(written on March 28th 2018) For someone with so many words...words that just tumble out even when they are not wanted...words that jump h...