Monday, November 21, 2011

A Secret place

"It is such a secret place, the land of tears." - The Little Prince

So, there I was, standing in the middle of Starbucks, waiting for my Decaf tall Mocha. My eyes did not warn me, nor my heart, of the pending tears. At first they just peeked out, as if to see what my response would be. I pretended to look at some merchandise, as I cleverly swiped away the pesky water works. The tears moved forward on the command of the first scouts and they charged ready to invade my cheeks. I made quick work of them with another clean sweep of the back of my hand and thankfully my order was ready. Scooping up the cup, I retreated out to the car where my husband was waiting.

"Are you okay?"

"I'm fine," I mumbled, looking down as I blinked away the remaining tears.

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing"

"What happened in there? You look sad." My puzzled husband continued to pester me with his queries.

"I told you I'm fine!" This time I gave my answer while looking straight into his face. Even if my eyes were still glistening, I was confident any trace of tears had been erased.  He is a good husband, he knew the time for questions was over. After all, even if he had asked me one hundred times or more, there was no answer to give.

Why did I cry in the middle of Starbucks on this particular day? Maybe I was crying for all the changes which I have been through this year. Maybe I was crying for all the things I have to hear from all the different people- so many people so many problems. Maybe it is for the sorrows I see people going through. Maybe I was crying with utter exhaustion. I don't think I'll ever know the reason for my tears. I do think I was long overdue for a cry fest.

We, women, need such things every once in awhile. A cry fest is not a pity party and it is not a descent into depression. In fact, it is almost like a safety valve to keep us from sliding down into the bottom of a well of despair. Its just a time when you can release your emotions ever so quietly and calmly- and after a nice good cry- you feel some what energized and like "wow- now I can take the world on again"

When we arrived home, I told my loving, spouse, "I need to go downstairs and finish up the laundry."

I  turned on the worship music, worked on laundry and cried a bit more...this time allowing the tears to flow freely down my face. I read Psalms 139 and I thanked God that He made me so wonderfully. He knows every single part of me and what makes me tick and what keeps me going.  He made me with safety valves and healing parts. If only I will listen to Him; God has programmed great self fixing mechanisms throughout my system. Now that makes me smile!

*The picture of the tears is taken from Poetry in Motion from a beautiful write up about tears and an accompanying poem. Be sure and check it out!

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