the day the words died- Ghana April 2007

Death is not a stranger to me. I'm not immune to the sadness it brings, but I am not overwhelmed with the sorrow. Normally, the deaths of those I love are staggered out but in April 2007 I lost two wonderful friends. For some reason, after their deaths I put away the manuscript I was working on. My words crumpled up and died. This blog has brought some life to my words, but I think they are handicapped. They limp pathetically along my screen. Sometimes a word will look up with a lively grin, but then I see it slide back into a stilted stride next to the rest of its lifeless companions.

What silenced my words? As I mentioned earlier- the death of two dear friends. One friend was snatched away suddenly and without warning. Lily Ashley was the co-director of Kinderparadise in Accra, Ghana. She was preparing for a trip to the US with her sons. I met her on April 6th and we had a great time together. We laughed, talked and finally I hugged her and said, "Good bye, I'll see you Sunday!" Little did I know that on April 7th- she would be killed in a horrible motor car accident returning from Pram Pram on the Tema Motorway.

Daniel and I received the phone call telling us she was at the Military Hospital. We rushed there to find out she was already dead. If I didn't look at the horrible gash on her forehead, I would have thought she was simply asleep. The next day was Easter Sunday, my husband had to get up and tell the congregation their beloved friend, Lily Ashley, was dead. This is where the reality of real faith sets in- do we let circumstances determine how we react, or do we act with the strength and the power of God.

April 24th I had to rush my friend Haruna to the hospital. He developed malaria when no one was around and now it had become cerebral malaria. Someone rushed him into Accra, where they knew I was and I rushed him first to one hospital and then to Korle-bu. Oh, how I could not stand Korle bu- it reminded me of Milli's death- it reminded me of too many people's sickness and sadness. I was thrust back into the bowels of the hospital.

Just to get a bed was a miracle. They wanted to turn us away, in fact another patient died in the taxi while her son attempted to get her a bed. Thankfully, Haruna got a bed. The man across the aisle could not lay down without choking. His frail wife allowed him to sit up and lean against her. She looked as though she would collapse, so I offered to let him lean against me. I made sure Haruna was resting and then I slowly changed places with the man's wife. She sank down into a chair and sighed. I chatted with her softly, asking her questions as she rested. A low rumbling in her husband's throat interrupted our conversation. She jumped up and began to wail. The nurse told her he was gone; she already knew.

I went back to sit next to Haruna's bed. "Mama Connie, I hear pain in my waist."..."Mama Connie, please massage my back."...."Mama Connie help me to use the toilet."... "Mama Connie, I cannot see"...and on and on it went for 6 days. Then on the 6th day it was, "Mama Connie, will I be alright?"

"Haruna, whether you live or die, you will be fine."

"Thank you"

"Mama Connie, will my mother come in time?"

His mother was coming from the North, she managed to arrive on Sunday. He said, "Mama, can you forgive me?"

"Why must I forgive you son?"

"Because I promised to take care of my brothers and sisters, but now I must leave you."

"Haruna, I do not need to forgive you; you have been a good son."

He smiled weakly and breathed his last breath. There was no more need to be at the hospital. I helped with the funeral arrangements. Lily and Haruna were buried a day apart. Life went on, as it always does; only this time my words were gone. I wait patiently for the day my words will return.

2007-Ghana-back for the last time

Here I sit in Renton, Washington smothering in the heat and it makes me think of my last trip back to Ghana. March 17, 2007, I stepped onto the tarmac at the Kotoka International Airport into suffocating…stifling…smothering heat- I had almost forgotten the perpetual sauna like atmosphere in Ghana.

Once inside the airport, there was the normal hustle and bustle --- semi lines that people never stay in. A lot of shoving in an attempt to be the first to reach the immigration counters. There was never a reason for the rush because the bags took forever to appear. After being shoved for the hundredth time, I know, “I’m back”

I exited the departure hall and was immersed in a sea of people. How does one explain the masses of people that always seemed to be around? It was like a perpetual rally taking place.

Of course it was “Light off” when I arrived at the house. Light off simply meant there was no power. Daniel kindly fired up the generator and promised me he wouldn’t turn it off til 11 pm.

I remember waking up at 2.45 am feeling that groggy “where am I?” feeling. My mind kept trying to grasp why everything was so still. I lay there in utter darkness listening to the gentle hum of someone’s generator and that reminded me that it was “light off.” I just lay there staring into the pitch black nothingness. I couldn’t sleep, so I just lay there and prayed for everyone I could think of. At about 4 something, I listened and waited…. I was sure to hear the ever familiar sweeping; the ritual early morning sweeping. It doesn’t matter how big the house is, or how small the hut is, the Ghanaians will wake up in the wee hours of the morning to sweep. They use a broom that almost looks like the bottom half of a witch’s broom. (minus the stick part)The sound of the sweeping is a rhythmic sound—it is a comforting routine….a way of saying, “this is a new day and we are going to sweep away all the dust and sand and grime from yesterday and we are going to start a new and a fresh” At 4.30 am the sound of the sweeping joined the hum of the distant generator. I listened as they told me, “You are back!”

2009-USA-BIG NEWS!!!!!

Today started out like any other day. I looked at my calendar and it was full. I managed to squeeze in some time to spend with a dear friend of mine- that made my day brighter. Then I came home and checked the mail. I did not check my email; I checked the regular mail. The kind people have to put a stamp on and stick in a post box. There was a mysterious envelope amongst my letters. It was from my son, Sean and his wife, Neisha.

I tore open the envelope and out tumbled a little onesie with these words written on it:


Well, I may not be the sharpest tack around but I certainly know a clue when I'm staring at it!! I started screaming. My husband tried to calm me down.

"What are you screaming about?"

I shoved the onesie in his face and he said, "Don't jump to conclusions"

I just kept screaming and I grabbed the phone and called Sean and Neisha.

"You aren't joking right?? This isn't a joke, right?"

"What??"

"I just opened your package."

Then they laughed. I grinned from ear to ear; I knew the laugh meant I was right. They told me I am going to be a grandma by the beginning of next year.

My day suddenly got a whole lot better.

2006- ...little notes that liked each other...

*title taken from a Mozart quote*

2006 was such an eclectic year. It would be almost impossible to put it into a neat little post. Half the year was spent in Ghana and the other half was spent in the US. Little notes from my journal give a glimpse of what the year was like.

The past couple days I've been fighting some kind of bug- and praying it isn't malaria. I told Daniel that if it continued and my fever stayed up then I would go ahead and take the artesunate . What makes me think it is malaria is because of the dreams- those strange dreams that seem to only come with malaria. They are more like night hallucinations. .................

The house is silent. Silence is so rare. Just 30 minutes ago it was all full of hustling and bustling and one by one the kids headed out the door. They yelled over their shoulders, "Bye mom see you later."

"Okay have fun!"

Now everything is covered with silence. I breathe and I can hear myself breathing. The deep intake of breath as I sit here typing. The water pipes make their regular noises. I can hear the computer hummmming away. Without the others around the sounds are amplified.
......

Having lived the majority of my life in countries that were tropical, I am fascinated with the fall colors. The golden, red, orange, and brown colors are simply breathtaking. They fill up my senses, and yet....and yet...I look at the trees nearby that have already gone through the change of color and are bare...and I realize that these beautiful colors of the leaves are simply announcing their departure.
I wonder in the autumn of my life if I will come out in spectacular colors....announcing my soon coming winter season.

.................

Katrina told me she was going to drive over the pass. I had to let her go--- we have to let our kids go sometime--- I just hate how it is all happening so fast--- I mean--- I thought I had forever--- and ever and ever and ever--- but suddenly she is all grown up and she works and supports herself...she is driving over mountain passes by herself and zipping around on her own. sigh.

Katrina called a little while ago, and I answered and said "Is something wrong?"

"Nope, I'm about 20 minutes from the place, but I just need to talk to Cass"

I hand the phone to Cass, and I hear her say "Yes, of course..."Boston"...I know that one...."

She begins singing a line from a song, and then I hear Kat's voice on the other end singing with her....and I had to leave the room coz I was getting all teary-eyed, I'm not sure why....maybe it was because Sean, my eldest son, just confirmed that he is planning to ask Neisha to marry him very soon!! I guess I have to let him drive that mountain pass alone-- ...I've gotta let go....I just don't understand, if I'm so happy that they are growing up (which I am-= I'm soo proud of them!) WHY does it hurt sooooooo bad!!?? (Now that would make a great title to a song)
..............

Amazing! Snow! After years of green Christmas seasons- I'm standing in the midst of snow falling from the sky.

I went outside and said to anyone that would listen "The snow is marvelous, isn't it?" They just smiled and nodded and tried to walk away very quickly.

Katrina called and told me that it was really snowing up in Kirkland. I told her to put the pics on her myspace blog- she did and I swiped one-- it just is so "Kat"- click here to see Katrina in the snow!

2005 Ghana- The Whirlwind year

Whirlwinds constantly blew through our lives, but I think 2005 was an especially windy year. We started off with a new baby coming to live with us. It changed our lives. He was so precious. Someone discarded him like trash at the side of the road and thankfully he was found before the dogs devoured him. He needed a temporary place to live and it all worked out for him to come and stay with us. Malnutrition hampered his natural growth. Regular meals and proper sleeping times brought about such a change in his development.

Aside from the baby's entry into our lives, we battled a serious case of pneumonia with Cassandra. She almost lost her life. Daniel battled malaria before, but that year he got one of the worse cases he had ever had. Both of them recovered and life went on. We had our share of snakes sneaking into our yard from the overgrowth behind our house.

As I mentioned in the previous post, the two girls left Ghana to reside in the US. Little "Prince John" left us to go and stay in a children's home. We so wanted to adopt him but there were legal restrictions which were insurmountable. He took a bit of our heart with him when he left.

The winds of change blew us into a new house. I think the change was good. As with all life's storms, when the wind and rains died down the fresh smell of new beginnings filtered through.

2005 June- birds leave the nest

Did someone wake me up and tell me, "Your life will never be the same" ? No!

Life was going along merrily with me living in Africa. I simply stepped into a new phase of life. A step which would forever change the dynamics of my life.

My son, Sean, lived in the United States studying for his Physics degree. Now it was time for my daughter, Katrina, to follow her brother's footsteps. She would go and stay with her brother and do her final year of high school. It all seemed like it was going to be so easy until we realized there was no way to separate Katrina from her younger sister Cassandra. Cassandra ended up following Katrina to live with her brother.

A 19 year old young man took his 17 and 15 year old sisters in to live with him. His parents were all the way over in Ghana. Some people have asked me how in the world I trusted my 19 year old son to take care of his sisters. It never was something we gave a second thought about. He was so trustworthy. The two girls were also very trustworthy. All three kids went to school and worked after school and went to church. They said they never had time to get into trouble because they were too busy.


They made it through the year. We don't talk about the year though. If we do refer to it, we call it 'the dark year.' No one knew the tears I wept over in Ghana. Katrina and Cassandra said they never got used to arriving home to a cold apartment and not having parents to greet them. Sean says he grew into an old man that year. We made it through the year, but I doubt I would make the same decision again. My children say they are better for the experience, I think they are the type of kids who take any experience and use it to become better.

Motherhood 2009

Reflections tagged me to post five things I love about being a Mom.

1. I love watching the children find out who they are

It has been such a delight to see each child grow into who they are meant to be. To be able to be a part of that experience is priceless.

2. I enjoy having this compulsory relationship :)

Whether they like it or not- I'm their mom- and what thrills me the most is they say they like it!! But it is nice to know that no matter what 'they are stuck with me' - hee hee!

3. I love doing 'fun' stuff together

In the past, it was 'unbirthday' parties-- oh how I loved those- and I do miss them. Impromptu 'fun' tea parties, picnics, or dinners- celebrating all of us. Now I enjoy the games we play when they come and visit- the long talks- and still...the picnics!

4. I love how Motherhood has changed me

Motherhood has a way of grinding the rough edges off a person. When you are just too tired to take another step- you have to anyways coz this little person is looking to you for help. When you want the last piece of pie...you find yourself giving it to your little one coz afterall they need it more than you do.

5. I love being a mom because it has made me realize I have a capacity to love so many more people and children

Being a mom stretched me- it caused me to understand my love was not limited- it would not run out- there was enough not only for my own family but also for so many others.